Do we choose to love? Or is Love a “predicament”, a “situation”, a “mental or emotional disruption” that happens to us?
There are as many views and theories of what Love is about as there are people who have given a thought to that intriguing and exciting subject.
Is Love a feeling, an emotion, or a state of mind? Is it the best thing that can ever happen to us, or a disaster which can ruin our life?
Such and similar questions have been perpetuated by numerous writers, poets, performers, other artists, psychologists, philosophers and those who have ever been, or have hoped to be, in Love.
We are all Lovers by nature. And that’s because, whether we are aware of it or not, we always have loved (one way or another) and we are filled with Love.
When we are talking about Love, usually the first thing that comes to mind is the romantic Love, the one that fills us with passion, changes our heartbeat, and makes us devoted to the “one and only” person in the entire world.
However, Love, as most of us have already found out, has many faces.
There is the motherly/fatherly Love, the biological bond, which most of us have discovered as early as when we were in our mother’s womb.
Then there is the family Love, known to us through our connections with our siblings, grandparents, or other relatives.
Some of us feel Love for our pets, nature, town, country, or the entire globe. Some people say they love humankind.
Some describe as “Love” the feeling they have when talking about their life, career, their house, their car, computer, ipod, iphone, cellphone -- or other things they own or want to purchase.
No matter with whom or what, we all have found ways of “falling in Love”, or “loving” whoever or whatever we found desirable and “worthy” of the investment of our time, energy, thought and heart.
We all know Love, if not through our own experience, then at least through observation or life wisdom which taught us about the existence of such an enormous Power.
According to the Master Teachings, Universal Love is the 7th Power creating/ruling/affecting the world AND it is one of the internal processes that we all go through, sooner or later – at one point or another. (See “What are the 7 Powers – brief overview” for more info about the Powers).
There are 7 aspects to the 7th Power, and they can be described by the 7 other names one can use when taking about Universal Love. These are:
Joy, Acceptance, Lowliness (as in being humble), Equality, Surrender, Equilibrium, Reconciliation.
Although the very concept of Love seems to be so natural and empowering, many of us fear Love. We fear that by feeling Love we might lose our independence, our freedom, and be taken advantage of, leaving us disempowered, humiliated, and simply feeling worthless and bad.
And so, afraid of Love, we have guarded ourselves with blocks and walls – to prevent ourselves from possible hurt.
Nothing can be further from the truth than anticipating that Love will lead us to disempowerment. It is the opposite: Love IS Power. Lack of Love IS lack of Power.
And, when we are not in tune with the 7th Power, we tend to dwell in the “hypnotic illusion” of being in control of our fate, while experiencing fear.
Opening one’s heart to Love is one of the biggest and most important steps in our evolution. It is inevitable, and cannot be omitted if we want to progress and perpetuate our existence.
Please remember: Love has many faces, and, loving is not limited to a romantic bond. Even though such a (romantic) bond can become an excellent opportunity to learn about, and connect with, the Universal Love, the 7th Power.
As the consciousness that we are, we can only exist as long as we are aware of ourselves, progressing through our experience. Consciousness is nothing else but a vibration, a current, a signal, if you may. And as such, we have been affected by the vibration of the 7 Powers creating the world. We need to be in tune with them in order to progress and exist.
For our own good, we need to be in tune with Love.
Let’s have a look at how most of us react to Love, and how we usually perceive and interpret Love. Here is an excerpt from Chapter 15 – “Veils of Dying and Loving” from the book “Master and The Green-Eyed Hope”:
When I met with Rhami-yata in the Chamber of Seven Powers, I sat on the stone floor without a word.
“You fear for your friend?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Very much. She might die of cancer, and I’m very afraid.”
“Because I love her,” I looked at him, surprised. “And I don’t want to lose her. I need her.”
He came over and sat in front of me. “Why do you need her?”
“What do you mean? I just said: she is my friend. We love and support each other. It is wonderful to have her in my life.”
“I see,” he said. “She makes you feel loved, accepted, and valued.”
I looked at him carefully. I could see that he was up to something. “Yes, we value and support each other,” I said slowly. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
Rhami-yata’s eyes darkened. My Mind started to wander away, and I caught myself thinking that they were the same color as my wool carpet, which I’d bought years before when I first left my ex-husband.
“Depends on your expectations,” said the marine-blue-eyed Master.
“What do you want from me?” I said. “I’m afraid to lose my friend! Is this the time to tell me that I am too dependent on her? She might die, you know!”
“And if she did indeed die, would you respect and support her choice?”
I was silent for a moment. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “ I think I would be very hurt that she left me.”
I looked into his eyes and kept thinking of the stupid wool carpet.
Here he is, - I thought – trying to educate my stubborn Soul, and all I do is let my Mind perpetuate my silliness!
“Your love is not given freely to your friend,” said Rhami-yata. “It’s full of conditions, and if she doesn’t comply with your expectations, you would hurt very much.”
I wanted to protest, but he explained further that Ella was one of the vessels I had used for maintaining my self-worth. She was fulfilling my need for acceptance, for being valued and wanted in somebody’s life. But if she decided to die, leaving me without her support, I would feel hurt and abandoned. She wouldn’t be there anymore to give me what I wanted, and so I would suffer because of that.
“Let’s take a closer look at how you, and most people, function in relationships, Hermenethre.”
The whole conversation was very painful to me, but I felt it was very important. I wanted him to go on.
But then he paused, and I suddenly felt tired. I closed my eyes, just to let myself breathe rhythmically for a tiny moment, long enough to rest my unruly Mind.
Yet my Mind didn’t want to give in, and soon an image from years before floated into my restful thoughts. There we were, Jacob – my ex-husband, and I, holding hands and walking down the street of our home town, on a sunny breezy day.
“Very often,” I heard Rhami-yata say, “in a close relationship with others, people get confused about their feelings. Everyone needs to feel accepted, valued, embraced as they are. Yet it is expected of their friends, or lovers, to give them the love they are longing for. To become an everlasting supply of acceptance and support.”
My visual memory now changed. I saw myself up on the roof of the highrise in Toronto. My ex-husband and my son were already asleep, downstairs, and I was fully awake. There was a couch on the roof, sheltered from bad weather by a wall extension, and it became my bed for that night. I had watched the clear skies, and the buildings downtown till morning, when the sun was “born”.
“As long as the support lasts, on both sides, the parties value and love each other,” continued my teacher’s voice. “However, soon it is realized that no matter how much love and support they get from one another, it is not enough. So the expectations and demands grow. And none of them feels really happy and secure.”
I kept my eyes closed, and my Mind was filled with another image. In fast forward I saw many days fly by, and each of them was the same. My ex-husband, with his eyes closed, headphones on, listening to numerous records and dwelling in his thoughts. And me, lost in my creative ideas, exploring my own inner world, isolated from his. Two strangers, in the same room.
“When people have an unfulfilled need for love,” said Rhami-yata, “they decide that it is their partner’s or friend’s fault. And then they often move to another relationship. Again, expecting their need for love to be fulfilled by the new partner, or friend. They keep moving from person to person, and stay with them in longer or shorter relationships.”
The image in my Mind became blurred, and I wasn’t sure whether it was now Jacob or my next partner, Norman, that I saw. The man was reading a book in his room, late at night, and I was watching the stars through the window, alone in the bedroom.
I opened my eyes and said, “Well, those in the longer lasting relationships at least attempt to be committed to giving and not only wanting someone’s love,” I said. “They want to give love to the other, not just take and move on.”
The Master looked at me carefully. He explained that the main reason for many long-term relationships was the subconscious fear of being left alone. Because of the unhealed emotional wounds, those who feared being on their own subconsciously believed that if there was no one in their lives to love them, it meant that they were “not good enough”. While those who moved quickly from person to person were mostly driven by the subconscious fear that if their partner discovered who they really were, she or he would run away and leave them hurt. Because again, they believed they were “not good enough” for any partner to truly love them.
“As you can see, Hermenethre,” he said, “there may be various styles of maintaining relationships. Some people stay in them longer, some quickly move on. But all of that is just a ‘hunt’ for Love. Yet ‘hunting’ for Love that way never seems to work, does it?”
I sighed. “No, it doesn’t. You are right. Feeling unloved is like being ill, you know. So we look for the antidote for our unhappiness. And it seems there is none. At least not in the places where we look for it. I too, have been seeking Love in all the wrong places. Haven’t I?”
And there it was – another realization. Again, thanks to my invaluable teacher, I was able to understand things that were affecting my life, causing me a lot of pain. My relationships, one that was already over, and the present one that seemed to be going nowhere. They were nothing but my desperate attempts to get any Love I could.
I smiled, and whispered, “Thank you.”
The Master nodded. “Once you stop blaming others for not being able, or not wanting to give you what you need, you will find the Love you need within you,” he said in his peaceful, warm voice. Mind you, I do not mean that you have to be selfish to feel loved. I’m not talking about your Ego loving you, and you filling up yourself with pride at how special and better than others you are. I am talking about your true connection with the vibration of Love. Once you feel that connection, you never feel unloved. Do you understand that?”
I did. And I let him know that, with another grateful smile.
Once I feel a connection with the vibration of Love, - I thought – I’ll respect and treasure myself and others, equally.
And then he shared with me the most beautiful thing: Love was not something one could really give or receive. One could give affection, support, or passion to one another. But true Love was not an emotion, or a thing. Love just was, enveloping everything, and vibrating as an energy wave.
“When you understand that the vibration of Love includes the whole world, you can see clearly how all are connected, and loved,” he added. “Then you feel happy, knowing that you are worthy, and you don’t need anyone else to prove that to you. And so you can share with another in that loving vibration. And that, Hermenethre, is a healthy and truly loving relationship.”
“Sharing Love that fills us up, not merely giving or receiving Emotions, is a true loving relationship,” I whispered.
I closed my eyes and was silent for a long while. When I opened them I saw Rhami-yata sitting in front of me and looking at me with quiet patience and tenderness. Tears started to roll down my face, uncontrollably. I felt all the pain, the deep wounding of my difficult childhood, and the pain of the unfulfilled need for Love. And I felt the resentment I had created for my ex-husband, and for my present partner.
“Tell me,” I cried. “Tell me how am I to deal with all of that?”
Rhami-yata said that the only way was to make the decision that I would work through my pain, no matter what.
I quickly nodded, letting him know that I would.
The first step was to understand and embrace who I was.
“You are not a ‘bad’ person, just because you have been wounded,” he said. “You are a terrific, magnificent person who is willing to heal her emotional wounds, and open up to Love. Remember, that if you do not acknowledge yourself with all that you are, those aspects of yourself which you resent will become your Shadows, and will hide in your subconscious. They will control your feelings, your thoughts and your actions. And then, your life, including your relationships, will be an unconscious act of perpetuating your wounds and fears.”
I told him I would do whatever needed to be done, no matter how much it hurt.
He smiled. “Hermenethre, it doesn’t have to be as painful as you expect. Though of course, cleaning the wounds may naturally be unpleasant. All depends on how much resentment, or willingness to get ‘clean’ you have.”
“A lot of willingness,” I assured both him and myself.
He asked me to begin with a simple exercise. For the next few days, I was to let myself believe that everybody, in every situation I would experience, was coming from the source of Love.
“Please include yourself in that ‘everybody’ list,” he said. “Trust in others, and yourself, and observe what happens.” (end of excerpt)
If you are ready to open your heart, letting yourself connect with the 7th Power and experience more Love – everything that you need will show up in your life.
Let me share another experience with you.
When I was finally ready to welcome Love (after healing the wounds left by my two failed long-term relationships), to vibrate with it and fill my life and heart with that vibration, I decided to confess my hopes and fears to the Universe. And so, I wrote a letter to my future Lover – not knowing yet who he might be. A few days later my Love, Patrick, entered my life, and stayed -- for me to love him, and for him to love me.
Below is the letter. I hope it might inspire you to write your own. And I hope, it might help you to open your own heart.
“Here’s my confession:
I can feel you coming. Coming into my life and turning it upside down. It’ll be very soon. Too soon? What if it would be too soon? What if I’m still not ready…
I can feel you. And, yes, I’m not ready. But I’ll never be ready until you’ll come into my life, and make it your own.
I’m terrified, I’m trembling. My eyes and ears are shot, to escape from the outside -- so that I can see the inside.
You are almost here.
I’m dying from fear, and the anticipation, hoping for your love to be greater than any of my nightmares.
I am trembling.
And I can’t breathe.
“Time out! Time out!” – I hear myself scream.
And so I’m about to find out how it feels, how it really feels, to be with you.
I can’t keep those curtains closed forever, can I?
You will enter with the sun in your left palm. Your right palm has already reached me. It was smiling, yes, your right hand smiled at me in the darkness.
Then the clouds parted. But the sky was too obvious, too bright.
So I pulled the curtains in. And I’m keeping them closed, tight… for how long?
My heart is beating fast. Filing up the night and day with the rhythm of my fear.
“Go away! Go away!” – I’m about to scream. Instead, I close my mouth. My lips taste like strawberries. Is that the sweetness of the kiss to come, or is it the taste of my own blood?
I don’t wanna give up on me. I don’t wanna give up on you.”
For more information on the Art of Loving and how to deal with old, unwanted patterns -- read the book "Master and The Green-Eyed Hope" -- Chapter Fifteen "Veils of Dying and Loving" & Chapter Eighteen "Exploring Shadowland".
NOTE: another book by Johanna Kern will be coming soon: "Shadow Transformation -- The Banner Method". Based on the course developed by Johanna Kern -- a quick and enjoyable way to deal with your old patterns and personal Shadows.
Yes, you can do it, while having fun!